The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
