last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
