yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
