Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
