i permit you to call me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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