i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
