You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
