Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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