after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
