we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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