so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
