Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
