Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
