remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
