i think i have herpe
just one?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
