You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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