I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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