I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
and she was petting her beer can
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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