So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
