He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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