Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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