weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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