Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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