we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
