i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
