Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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