I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
