proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
