If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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