I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
