i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
