I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
