I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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