living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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