he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
