OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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