fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
