I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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