WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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