life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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