PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
