just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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