We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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