It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
