is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
