I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We have started to decorate penises.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
