I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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