If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
