she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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