Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
