I cockslap morals
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
